so here is where my life is at right now. i apologize for the length but this is now part of my story.
my life is so full of pain right now i don't know what to do with all of it.
i never thought my heart could be so broken. and that was before the tornado.
now i'm so scared that I won't be strong enough to carry out the plan that God has for my life because I won't be able to move past this painful part of my life.
April 27, 2011 my life changed forever.
I woke up that morning around 5 AM to the sound of a horrible thunderstorm outside my window and kept me awake for around 40 minutes.
I woke up again when my alarm went off and looked at the weather and everything was saying that there was a horrible storm coming up my way that afternoon, but i looked outside and it looked gorgeous and i completely discounted the reports.
A few hours later I went to campus to eat lunch with friends and we were all discussing how crazy these reports were because it was such a beautiful day on campus and the storm chasers kept pushing back the time it was supposed to "hit." so i went to the library to work on a project and all my friends went to their apartment to stay together and safe. after about 20 minutes in the library things started to feel weird, and i couldn't really explain why, so i left campus and drove around lake tuscaloosa for about an hour. at this point it was around 3:30 in the afternoon and the sky started to turn a really horrible grey color so i turned around and drove back to my apartment, and on my way back, i saw some small trees already leaning heavily due to the strong winds. once i got back to my apartment it still hadn't even started to rain yet so i just sat on my bed and watched the weather and gilmore girls because i still didn't think a storm would really happen. my friends kept texting me telling me to go to one of their apartments for safety or at least back to campus, but i just thought the storm wasn't going to happen, or if it did then it would completely miss tuscaloosa. it always did. not this time though. around 4:40 i was watching James Spann and he said this was "going to be one of the worst storms he had seen in his 32 years of.." and then my TV cut off. i went outside and talked to my two roommates and we all decided that if the storm got really bad we would jump into my closet and bring as many pillows as possible because I had the most interior room in our apartment. a few minutes later we were all in my room getting ready to jump into my closet because we heard it was near McFarland mall, which was around 6 miles from where our apartment is. but then my cousin went out to my balcony door and looked outside and started taking pictures on her phone of the crazy clouds. she then pointed out my window and remarked how strange this one cloud looked and how huge it was- i went to the window and saw that it wasn't a cloud at all. it was the tornado. the tornado that ravaged my city. that took so many loved ones. that destroyed so many memories and ripped apart hearts. outside my window. we all started to yell and ran into my closet and shut the door.
we sat in that room for what seemed like such a long time. at first everything seemed okay. it was really eerie feeling. then the lights started to flicker. and then my cousin started to look like she was going to cry. and then the lights stopped flickering, they just went out. then came the sound of the tornado. it was one of the worst noises you can imagine. because there's nothing you can do to stop it. it sounded like jet engines right above your head and we could all feel the vibrations underneath us. and so we just sat in the dark and waited. then we heard what sounded like the glass in my balcony doors being shattered. we all got silent and just started praying. i was just waiting for death to come and get me. and i was ready for it. a few minutes later we just heard the sound of silence and stayed in the closet in case it wasn't over. then my cousin said we were in the clear (she was on the phone with her mom this whole time) and we came out of the closet.
miraculously my windows weren't shattered (the gap in my window i had been complaining to maintenance about this year had helped to minimize the pressure) and our whole building was intact. we ran outside and saw a lot of the other residents had done this and then we saw that a lot of the trees about 50 yards from our apartment were pulled up by the roots or halfway bent. it literally stopped 50 yards away from my apartment. God had protected me and my roommates for some reason. we all started to freak out because we didn't know what was going on and couldn't get a single call or text to go through. i immediately wanted to call everyone i knew and make sure they were okay, but there just simply wasn't a signal. so as i was walking back to my apartment, i heard a girl say "how did we survive this?!" and her friend replied, "PRAYER! did you not hear about all those fricking people praying that we wouldn't get hit?! that's all it can be." and she was right. God is the only way we survived.
once i realized that all cell service was gone i jumped into my car and tried to make my way to campus to find my friends. that's when i saw the damage. and i just started crying. places weren't just damaged; they were gone. lightpoles were across the street, power lines were everywhere, cars so badly damaged they weren't recognizable. and then i looked up and saw the intersection of 15th street and McFarland. then i just started to ball my eyes out. i turned my car around (i only made it about 200 yards from my apartment) and went back to my apartment because i couldn't be alone. but when i returned my roommates were gone. i honestly didn't know what to do. so i just sat there and tried calling my friends and family to let them know i was okay, and i still couldn't get through. i don't know if anybody who is reading this has ever felt that type of hysteria i felt that moment. it felt as though i was alone in the whole world and that's how the rest of my life was going to be like. and that the damage that was done was going to remain there forever, and i would never know what became of my loved ones in tuscaloosa. or if the tornado was going to hit birmingham and destroy my family and loved ones in birmingham.
i finally got a call to go through and got to talk to a friend to find out that the tornado was in fact headed towards the hospital my mom had just had surgery in. i didn't want to live once i heard that. he then called me back about 45 minutes later and told me they weren't hit and i felt a little burden lifted off my shoulders. after that conversation i was able to communicate through texts about once every 2 hours. so i tried to let everyone know i was alive and that i was physically okay. once i talked to my dad i was able to get in touch with one of my friends in tuscaloosa and he promised me he would find a way to get to me and make sure i wasn't alone. i figured he would be at my apartment in about 10 minutes, because that's how long it would normally take. i failed to factor in the tornado (a problem i still encounter daily.) this caused his normal 10 minute drive to take 4 hours. by this point it started to get dark and i started to panic. my phone was dying, my apartment obviously had no power, and i didn't know where my roommates were. i had no way to know what to do. and the last thing i had heard was that another tornado was coming any minute. again i was alone and didn't know who was safe and who was in the way of danger. then one of my friends in tuscaloosa texted me and told me we should be in the clear and that we were out of the way of danger. then i started to cry out of relief and called my friend who was coming to get me to see if he was almost here, since it had been about an hour and a half since he said he was on his way. it took about 20 minutes to get the call to go through, and then i found out he was at a standstill on 369. a scrap metal company had pretty much relocated to the middle of 369. steel scrap pieces wrapped around the lightpoles and all. and he didn't know when he would be able to get through. he told me not to worry though, that he would find a way, and to pack a bag and be ready whenever he came. so i went out to my car and turned it on, and sat in it and listened to the radio and started to hear about all the places i had grown to love in tuscaloosa that were now a pile a rubble. slowly panic turned to pain. it seemed as if every 5 minutes a name popped into my head of a person i wanted to make sure was okay. and there was no way to find out if they were okay because of how weak our cell reception was. so i just had to sit and wait.
around an hour later my roommates returned and told me that it was impossible to get to where my friends apartment was, and to just give up. but then i got the call from him that traffic was moving again. and i asked if there was any way i could meet him somewhere. he asked me if there was any way out of my apartment complex and thank the Lord the only way out of my apartment complex lead me to where he was. it took about an hour to get to the meeting spot and as soon as i turned on i got a text from him that said he would be there in about 30 minutes. normally this would be okay but then i looked up and realized that my entire city was dark. there was no way to know where you really were because all of the landmarks i had always used were gone. all the lights were out. all the cars were demolished. so then i just started crying and waited. fortunately, AT&T's lack of service finally helped me out because he had actually sent that message about 30 minutes earlier so i was only in that dark and lonely parking lot for about 2 minutes alone. then i was finally able to get out of my car and hug someone and know that God was going to bring me though this pain. i didn't know how He was going to do it, and i didn't fully trust that He could. but i felt a peace through my body.
Now i'm still waiting to for God to work through me and give me back my spirit that always screamed out how strong my God was and how powerful He was. But honestly some days it's hard for me to get out and see how desolate this city is. but God has allowed me to do some volunteer work around Tuscaloosa and Alberta City and see the unbreakable spirit that God has given to the citizens of Tuscaloosa and America. Strangers from all over the country and world are coming down to help rebuild without giving a thought to their own needs. it's one of the most beautiful things i've ever witnessed. for the first time since I've been going to The Church At Tuscaloosa (TCAT) it was absolutely packed out after the storm. God will bring glory from this pain. We just have to wait and see.
"this is not how it should be, this is not how it could be. but this is how it is. and our God is control."
"& i will praise You in this storm"
"and they say they've never seen anything like this in history, and i wonder why it took her and it left me. and i wake up every morning praying that it's all a dream, and try to look at the right side of things...and maybe God just knew we all just needed something to move us and keep our minds on Tuscaloosa. I've got my mind on Tuscaloosa."
