What it's Like to be an Alum From the Most Hated School in the Country

I read an article circulating recently describing what it's like to go to the most hated school in the country. After reading it, I felt like my experience was vastly different from hers. I wanted to describe what it is like for Alabama alum to interact with those from a different alma mater.

Picture it: You’re at a work conference (yay full-time job offer!) after graduating, and the instructor asks people to introduce themselves. You know the drill: name, alma mater, fun fact about yourself. 

Guy #1: Hi, I'm Bob, I went to Purdue and I like fly fishing
Class: Cool, alright. 

Girl #2: Hi, I'm Sandy, and I went to BYU and I speak 3 languages.
Class: Man! I bet you got to ski a lot up there!

Me: Hi, I'm Kristina, I went to Alabama and (interruption)
Class: guttural groans*, I hate you! You shouldn't have even been allowed to play LSU again! And sheesh what y'all did to McCoy should have been an ejection. Gosh I hate y'all so much. 

“Nice to meet you, too”

This is just a taste of what it's like to be from the University of Alabama, “the most hated school in the country.” It’s having people all over the country personally hate you as soon as they meet you because of 100 talented young men who happen to play football at the same school you attended. It’s having strangers scoff at your college t-shirt in the grocery store because they are putting their hatred of Alabama on you like you were the one on the field.

However, it has not always been this way. Unlike the author of the aforementioned blog post, neither me, nor any of my friends went to Alabama for the football. Most of us went for academics. I went because my parents were adamantly supportive of a good education without incurring tons of student loans (and they were right). So, off I went to UA. Some of the people I met were interested in chemical engineering, speech pathology, nursing and business. You name it, students wanted to major in it. The students there were driven about their future, and all wanted those jobs that were so elusive due to the recession. Of course, we all went to the football games because tickets were $5, and we heard this Saban guy might actually help lead the team to a winning record. Our standards were low. We were the kids who grew up during the Shula era. The we-were-happy-to-be-bowl-eligible years.

But then, The Crimson Tide stared to succeed! We couldn't believe it! Game after game we thought “this would be the game that ends the streak.”  But when the voters announced Alabama would be going to the Rose Bowl (hello, destiny! "Remember the Rose Bowl, we'll win then!"), my dad was happier than I was.  This was because Alabama had been waiting DECADES to be this good. Half of the entire state was elated. Nobody was counting on this. They just kept winning, and we couldn't believe our eyes!  Especially after good ole Terrence Cody blocked that field goal against UT. Man, that was a great day to be a student at UA.  The whiff of entitlement that UA’s students and supporters are equated with now didn’t exist.  We were so proud of our leadership, our first Heisman Trophy winner, and the success those seniors were able to reap after their four years of growth.  Those boys were on the team when Alabama was not even considered a conversation piece by ESPN.

But what I remember most about my time in Tuscaloosa isn't the football. It's actually a tragedy. On April 27, 2011 a tornado tore through our little T-Town and left everyone devastated. Days before the storm, we were all just typical college students, trying to study for finals and get home to our friends and families. But after we saw the carnage and devastation from that tornado, many of us couldn't leave. I stayed behind for weeks and saw everyone come together to aid our hometown away from home in a beautiful way. Greeks, independents, atheists, and Christians all gathered together to help those who had lost everything, and I couldn't have been more proud to be from the State/University of Alabama. We typically worked from 8am (after the Red Cross told us our job sites) until sundown (since we were under martial law and had a strict curfew). It was exhausting and exhilarating. We cut down trees, collected food, passed out clothes to newly-homeless neighbors, and searched houses to make sure all the survivors were found. We all wanted to help, and when we came back to school that fall (and were reminded by the empty plots of land that used to stand with thriving neighborhoods), we felt that our city needed a win. And by golly, when Alabama went to the national championship in 2012, our community felt like it had life breathed into it again. Businesses wanted to come back, students wanted to join from all over, and faculty were proud to work at our school. Our school family was coming back to life with more strength than before.

It was a beautiful time. It made me proud of be a lifelong member of The University of Alabama. Nobody felt entitled for the football team to make it to the playoffs. Now, it seems that instead of students being elated when Alabama does well, they expect it. That's not the way it works. You cheer for your team, win or lose. You don't feel entitled to national championships or playoffs, and you certainly don't act like you were personally out there on the field blocking LSU's point after attempt (unless you're A'Shawn Robinson). It makes me sad to see how entitled Alabama's current student body is about Alabama football.

Football is not the end all-be all at the University of Alabama. Each student’s story here starts with the desire for higher education, an avenue for success and maturity, growth that leads to opportunities, and to celebrate the pride that exudes from a family that believes in their institution. Alabama is about much more than sports, especially football.  But of course, some of my greatest memories come from those fall Saturdays.  Where you exclaimed “Roll Tide Roll!” whether they won or lost, because gosh darn, you're an Alabama fan!

Out of the depths of despair, Tuscaloosa has risen through a unified desire for success.  Success requires hard work, team work, leadership, and perseverance.  Winning is a byproduct of the drive for success.  However, to summarize The University of Alabama with numbers (15, 12-0, etc..) based on one group of men is to miss the forest through the trees.  Alabama adds over +30,000 more testaments to its long-standing tradition for success every four years and has countless doctors, nurses, CEO’s, lawyers, entrepreneurs that proudly call Alabama their alum. To that, I say

Roll Tide

I Am Content: The Challenge

A few days ago a bridge that I take to work was closed for construction, forcing me to take an alternate route. This alternate route I found was one that forced me to drive by some of Fort Worth's homeless population. Instead of being scared to drive by them, I found myself just wanting to get out of the car and give them a hot meal or take them home to get them out of the cold. 

Then I caught myself buying frivolous items. A cute mug here, an adorable calendar there. Within a few days I realized that I could actually help these people that can't help themselves a lot more if I could be more disciplined in my spending.

And honestly, I was happy to leave it at that. (I know, what a terrible thought, but I wanted to be honest.) But then the Lord directed me in His word and to a few blogs that featured women doing something known as The Contentment Challenge. My first thought was, "good for them", and I had no intention of participating in it (because, I mean, my husband and I are moving to another apartment soon, and goodness knows I may need to buy some more throw pillows!). 

After a few days I realized that God had a different plan in store. He started pressing on my heart and forcing me to look around at all the silly little items that "I just had to have" . And you know what, those items didn't seem that necessary anymore when compared to being able to buy someone a warm meal, a blanket, a coat.

For quite a while I have felt my life would be wonderful if I could just have _____. Then I would get whatever it was and by the time it was in my hands, I would already be eyeing something else that would determine my life's happiness.

But it's time for that to stop.

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." | Philippians 4:12

So here it goes: for the next 3 months I will not be spending any money on items I want. I will still buy groceries, gifts for friends, and other necessities. But I will not be going into Target for milk and walking out $200.00 poorer. This challenge will start February 6, 2015 and will continue until May 6, 2015. Part of this goal is to teach me to be content whatever the circumstances, and part of it is to see how much more God can do with our income (and how much stuff I actually can live without). I have talked about this with my accountability partner and she will help me through this process, but just in case anyone else has felt this way, I wanted to encourage others to try The Contentment Challenge. For some it may be to not spend for 1 week, or maybe for 1 year. Whatever time frame it may be, God will show you amazing things. & I can't wait to see what all he teaches me in this process. (For the guidelines, check out Nancy Ray's post: The Contentment Challenge

"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.' Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' Then the King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.' " | Matthew 25: 37-40

I don't want to be at Heaven's gates and have to say to my Savior that I chose a cute candle over clothing His children. Or a Pottery Barn bedspread over feeding orphans. I want to be at Heaven's gates and hear "Well done, my good and faithful servant." I want to be faithful to what God has called me to do, and be a good steward of the gifts He has given. 

"but maybe not, not today, maybe You'll provide in other ways. & if that's the case...we'll give thanks to You with gratitude, for lessons learned in how to thirst for You"

Wait for the Lord

For the past 9 months (the amount of time I've been engaged to my husband-to-be, Alex) people have been coming up to me and asking me for all types of advice on countless topics from school to relationships. I think these people are under some type of impression that I have it together because I am engaged or because I somehow made it through college, but the truth is, I am just as clueless as to what life looks like now that I'm engaged as I was when I was in 3rd grade trying to understand the need for multiplication tables.

Ever since I was a little girl I thought women "had it all" once they got engaged to their prince charming and could finally start living their life.

That mentality was all types of wrong. 

First off, God can use anyone during ANY stage of their life. They don't have to have a high school degree, a diamond ring, or even the perfect apartment in order to impact God's Kingdom. I wish I had fully believed this when I came to college because I spent so much of my time praying for God to provide me with a husband that I neglected to see all the other wonderful opportunities He was giving me. So, that's why I'm writing this post: to encourage everyone to do what God is calling them to do now. Don't wait for perfect circumstances, because they never come. "Keep pressing on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:14) and be content with where God has placed you for today.

Some of the major things God has taught me during my time in college is the importance of strong female friendships. Guys, boyfriends, and fiances are great and all, but women in your community understand certain things you go through as a female that guys just simply cannot comprehend. (And PS-if you're dating someone/engaged/married, your guy needs good guy friends too). You need to know that you have some close girlfriends that have been with you through the different seasons of your life and can hold you accountable to certain areas of your life.

God also has shown me that getting a degree is not the only reason I am in school. This whole time I have been engaged my focus has either been on studying for school (or the CPA exam) or planning what little bits of the wedding I can. But, God has not placed me at the University of Alabama just to get a degree (and meet my future husband); He also led me here for the friendships. For the women that have sat next to me during the times that I cried until I literally ran out of tears, kidnapped me and made me learn to be spontaneous, and had slumber parties with. 

These are the things that matter. Getting a 4.0 GPA is great and all, but God has so much bigger plans for you than a certain GPA. He wants to use you. He wants to be close to you. He wants a relationship with you. Sometimes, you just need to curl up with your Bible and spend some quality time with your Lord and listen to what He is calling you to do. It might just be to sit next to someone at the Ferg, or it may be to change your major. The possibilities are endless, but the point is, you don't know what God is calling you to until you take the time to sit down and listen for your Shepherd's voice. He will lead you to where you need to be. But beware, it doesn't fit neatly into a planner. It will feel chaotic, it will be messy, and it will definitely be frustrating. But it will all be worth it.

Also, try to learn to live in the present. There will always be another test coming up you need to study for, another weekend you really need just to catch up, but if we keep waiting on the future to get here so we can finally "relax," it will never happen. We have to learn to embrace the present time that we are in. If we embrace the present that is when those crazy late night conversations can happen that cultivate life-long friendships. I only started to embrace this Spring semester of my junior year at UA and during that short time I have been blessed with at least 10 women that are have impacted my life in more ways than I can ever describe. 

Finally, if you are in a relationship, make sure you give your relationship over to the Lord and be content where you are at in your relationship. Regardless of who you are dating, you are dating a flawed individual who will always have things to work on in their life. Learn to accept them for who they truly are and love them where they are at. The reason why I say this is because this is how God treats us. He knows we have to improve and He loves us enough to challenge us to improve, but He also loves us just as we are. If we ever want to be the kind of wives that our husbands get excited to come home to, we have to show that we respect them and love them for who they are. Not who we want them to be like they are a project we are constantly working on, but who they are today. God loves them just as they are, and we should too. Women are supposed to be helpers who lift up their husbands, not women who criticize and nag and point out everything that is wrong. 

Be women of grace. Be women of courage. Be women who know their identity is daughter. Be women who know who their Father is. Be women who choose joy. Be women who constantly put their hope in the Lord. 

"It doesn't matter how long it's been I can talk to God like He's my best friend, take my heart and lay it down again right here, in a dirt road prayer." 

You are the Only Thing that is Beautiful in me

 10 days down. 84 to go.

summer. it's just one simple little word. a word that seems to fly by quicker than we think possible and has some of our most precious memories trapped inside of that little word. but this year, that one little word encapsulates a period that requires nothing short of extreme faith in this very fallen world. 


& it's going to be beautiful. 


this summer I won't have any date nights or even many nights with my girlfriends and family, but God is going to use this time to glorify His kingdom, and that's what matters. so far God has shown me that my fears do not have to consume and overpower me this summer. it's just a continual opportunity to take my fears to my Father, who loves me unconditionally and wants my days to be filled with joy. I'm not going to lie, some days are dark and I feel like the enemy won't ever stop attacking me, but my God has never let me down before and He is not going to start now.


That's the beautiful thing about our Father: He will never let us be alone because He is always with us. That doesn't mean He's there during the good times and then He bails like those "friends" you have. He is always there. And that makes the all the trials and tribulations of this world easier to bear.


I know this summer holds some absolutely wonderful times for some of my friends: getting engaged, getting married, starting a new job, etc., but for some others this summer also holds some very scary times: living alone for the first time, starting a job they don't understand, moving on from a lost love, etc. But no matter what phase of life you are in just please remember that our God is bigger than our circumstances and He will provide.

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." -Philippians 4:11-12

I put this passage in because I think it's very important to realize that in verse 12 Paul says that he has learned to be content, that means it did not come naturally. It took time, practice, and training. So do not give up if you think you can't handle this life that God has given you. Sometimes it just takes time to see the beautiful places God is leading you into. Just trust Him. 

“This job has been given to me to do. Therefore, it is a gift. Therefore, it is a privilege. Therefore, it is an offering I may make to God. Therefore, it is to be done gladly, if it is done for Him. Here, not somewhere else, I may learn God’s way. In this job, not in some other, God looks for faithfulness.”
-Elisabeth Elliot

there is always something to be thankful for. always.

While I'm Waiting

Saying goodbye for three months. quick and painful. But for some reason this is the path that God has set me on. So while I'm on this part of the path I am going to attempt to keep this blog semi-updated with what God is teaching me. 

So right now I am on day 1 of Alex being gone for 3 months to Pinecove Christian Camps in Columbus, TX and in two weeks I will move up to Nashville for the summer to work for my internship. In recent time God has shown me how perfectly He plans everything out in our lives. He never ceases to stop loving, caring, and guiding us in His perfect plan that can most beautifully glorify Him. Over just the past few months I have made some wonderful friendships with these women of God who "just happen" to have just gone through a similar long distance experience or are currently going through a long-distance relationship. And let me just say that as a huge worrier and planner, this has just shown me how much I need to rely on God and stop trying to plan out my entire life.


God will meet all your needs. God will fight your battles if you let Him. 


So that's what my prayer is for this summer. To let God fight my battles and for my strength to daily come from Him. He has blessed me beyond my wildest dreams and I am so excited to see what He is going to do in my family's lives, my friend's lives, and Alex's life this summer to draw us all closer to Him, because it will be more beautiful than anything we can imagine. 

My goal of this blog is not to let the few of you who read this know what groceries I just bought or a movie I just saw, but to reflect the lessons that God is trying to get through my thick skull. Sometimes I am a little stubborn so there may be more than one post on a certain subject but I hope that God can use my little blog to glorify His kingdom and use my past pain and experiences and current struggles to help others. 

"When God heals you of past hurt, He not only wants to help you, but He also wants your experience to be a gateway through which others can experience the same healing" -devo   

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble"-Psalm 46:1

there used to be restaurants on that street, and houses on that concrete

I created this blog to be honest with my life and how God works through EVERYTHING. 

so here is where my life is at right now. i apologize for the length but this is now part of my story.

my life is so full of pain right now i don't know what to do with all of it.

i never thought my heart could be so broken. and that was before the tornado.

now i'm so scared that I won't be strong enough to carry out the plan that God has for my life because I won't be able to move past this painful part of my life.

April 27, 2011 my life changed forever. 

I woke up that morning around 5 AM to the sound of a horrible thunderstorm outside my window and kept me awake for around 40 minutes.

I woke up again when my alarm went off and looked at the weather and everything was saying that there was a horrible storm coming up my way that afternoon, but i looked outside and it looked gorgeous and i completely discounted the reports.

A few hours later I went to campus to eat lunch with friends and we were all discussing how crazy these reports were because it was such a beautiful day on campus and the storm chasers kept pushing back the time it was supposed to "hit." so i went to the library to work on a project and all my friends went to their apartment to stay together and safe. after about 20 minutes in the library things started to feel weird, and i couldn't really explain why, so i left campus and drove around lake tuscaloosa for about an hour. at this point it was around 3:30 in the afternoon and the sky started to turn a really horrible grey color so i turned around and drove back to my apartment, and on my way back, i saw some small trees already leaning heavily due to the strong winds. once i got back to my apartment it still hadn't even started to rain yet so i just sat on my bed and watched the weather and gilmore girls because i still didn't think a storm would really happen. my friends kept texting me telling me to go to one of their apartments for safety or at least back to campus, but i just thought the storm wasn't going to happen, or if it did then it would completely miss tuscaloosa. it always did. not this time though. around 4:40 i was watching James Spann and he said this was "going to be one of the worst storms he had seen in his 32 years of.." and then my TV cut off. i went outside and talked to my two roommates and we all decided that if the storm got really bad we would jump into my closet and bring as many pillows as possible because I had the most interior room in our apartment. a few minutes later we were all in my room getting ready to jump into my closet because we heard it was near McFarland mall, which was around 6 miles from where our apartment is. but then my cousin went out to my balcony door and looked outside and started taking pictures on her phone of the crazy clouds. she then pointed out my window and remarked how strange this one cloud looked and how huge it was- i went to the window and saw that it wasn't a cloud at all. it was the tornado. the tornado that ravaged my city. that took so many loved ones. that destroyed so many memories and ripped apart hearts. outside my window. we all started to yell and ran into my closet and shut the door. 

we sat in that room for what seemed like such a long time. at first everything seemed okay. it was really eerie feeling. then the lights started to flicker. and then my cousin started to look like she was going to cry. and then the lights stopped flickering, they just went out. then came the sound of the tornado. it was one of the worst noises you can imagine. because there's nothing you can do to stop it. it sounded like jet engines right above your head and we could all feel the vibrations underneath us. and so we just sat in the dark and waited. then we heard what sounded like the glass in my balcony doors being shattered. we all got silent and just started praying. i was just waiting for death to come and get me. and i was ready for it. a few minutes later we just heard the sound of silence and stayed in the closet in case it wasn't over. then my cousin said we were in the clear (she was on the phone with her mom this whole time) and we came out of the closet.

miraculously my windows weren't shattered (the gap in my window i had been complaining to maintenance about this year had helped to minimize the pressure) and our whole building was intact. we ran outside and saw a lot of the other residents had done this and then we saw that a lot of the trees about 50 yards from our apartment were pulled up by the roots or halfway bent. it literally stopped 50 yards away from my apartment. God had protected me and my roommates for some reason. we all started to freak out because we didn't know what was going on and couldn't get a single call or text to go through. i immediately wanted to call everyone i knew and make sure they were okay, but there just simply wasn't a signal. so as i was walking back to my apartment, i heard a girl say "how did we survive this?!" and her friend replied, "PRAYER! did you not hear about all those fricking people praying that we wouldn't get hit?! that's all it can be." and she was right. God is the only way we survived. 

once i realized that all cell service was gone i jumped into my car and tried to make my way to campus to find my friends. that's when i saw the damage. and i just started crying. places weren't just damaged; they were gone. lightpoles were across the street, power lines were everywhere, cars so badly damaged they weren't recognizable. and then i looked up and saw the intersection of 15th street and McFarland. then i just started to ball my eyes out. i turned my car around (i only made it about 200 yards from my apartment) and went back to my apartment because i couldn't be alone. but when i returned my roommates were gone. i honestly didn't know what to do. so i just sat there and tried calling my friends and family to let them know i was okay, and i still couldn't get through. i don't know if anybody who is reading this has ever felt that type of hysteria i felt that moment. it felt as though i was alone in the whole world and that's how the rest of my life was going to be like. and that the damage that was done was going to remain there forever, and i would never know what became of my loved ones in tuscaloosa. or if the tornado was going to hit birmingham and destroy my family and loved ones in birmingham.

i finally got a call to go through and got to talk to a friend to find out that the tornado was in fact headed towards the hospital my mom had just had surgery in. i didn't want to live once i heard that. he then called me back about 45 minutes later and told me they weren't hit and i felt a little burden lifted off my shoulders. after that conversation i was able to communicate through texts about once every 2 hours. so i tried to let everyone know i was alive and that i was physically okay. once i talked to my dad i was able to get in touch with one of my friends in tuscaloosa and he promised me he would find a way to get to me and make sure i wasn't alone. i figured he would be at my apartment in about 10 minutes, because that's how long it would normally take. i failed to factor in the tornado (a problem i still encounter daily.) this caused his normal 10 minute drive to take 4 hours. by this point it started to get dark and i started to panic. my phone was dying, my apartment obviously had no power, and i didn't know where my roommates were. i had no way to know what to do. and the last thing i had heard was that another tornado was coming any minute. again i was alone and didn't know who was safe and who was in the way of danger. then one of my friends in tuscaloosa texted me and told me we should be in the clear and that we were out of the way of danger. then i started to cry out of relief and called my friend who was coming to get me to see if he was almost here, since it had been about an hour and a half since he said he was on his way. it took about 20 minutes to get the call to go through, and then i found out he was at a standstill on 369. a scrap metal company had pretty much relocated to the middle of 369. steel scrap pieces wrapped around the lightpoles and all. and he didn't know when he would be able to get through. he told me not to worry though, that he would find a way, and to pack a bag and be ready whenever he came. so i went out to my car and turned it on, and sat in it and listened to the radio and started to hear about all the places i had grown to love in tuscaloosa that were now a pile a rubble. slowly panic turned to pain. it seemed as if every 5 minutes a name popped into my head of a person i wanted to make sure was okay. and there was no way to find out if they were okay because of how weak our cell reception was. so i just had to sit and wait. 

around an hour later my roommates returned and told me that it was impossible to get to where my friends apartment was, and to just give up. but then i got the call from him that traffic was moving again. and i asked if there was any way i could meet him somewhere. he asked me if there was any way out of my apartment complex and thank the Lord the only way out of my apartment complex lead me to where he was. it took about an hour to get to the meeting spot and as soon as i turned on i got a text from him that said he would be there in about 30 minutes. normally this would be okay but then i looked up and realized that my entire city was dark. there was no way to know where you really were because all of the landmarks i had always used were gone. all the lights were out. all the cars were demolished. so then i just started crying and waited. fortunately, AT&T's lack of service finally helped me out because he had actually sent that message about 30 minutes earlier so i was only in that dark and lonely parking lot for about 2 minutes alone. then i was finally able to get out of my car and hug someone and know that God was going to bring me though this pain. i didn't know how He was going to do it, and i didn't fully trust that He could. but i felt a peace through my body. 

Now i'm still waiting to for God to work through me and give me back my spirit that always screamed out how strong my God was and how powerful He was. But honestly some days it's hard for me to get out and see how desolate this city is. but God has allowed me to do some volunteer work around Tuscaloosa and Alberta City and see the unbreakable spirit that God has given to the citizens of Tuscaloosa and America. Strangers from all over the country and world are coming down to help rebuild without giving a thought to their own needs. it's one of the most beautiful things i've ever witnessed. for the first time since I've been going to The Church At Tuscaloosa (TCAT) it was absolutely packed out after the storm. God will bring glory from this pain. We just have to wait and see. 

"this is not how it should be, this is not how it could be. but this is how it is. and our God is control."

"& i will praise You in this storm"

"and they say they've never seen anything like this in history, and i wonder why it took her and it left me. and i wake up every morning praying that it's all a dream, and try to look at the right side of things...and maybe God just knew we all just needed something to move us and keep our minds on Tuscaloosa. I've got my mind on Tuscaloosa."

& it's Your eye in the storm watching over me

okay so i know i'm the worst blogger, especially since i only updated twice from London but here's what I have to say: if you wanna know how London was, text/call me and we will meet up for a chat and I will tell you all about London, but I am here on this earth to spread the love of God so that's what I'm going to do. Talks about the pretty sights of London can wait. 


So basically God has really convicted me lately of how much I cannot see myself living in America for the rest of my life. I used to only want the comfortable life and for God to just be there for me every Sunday morning and Wednesday night and for Him to be there with my future children and show them His love, but for Him to stay as far away from "My Will" as possible. Well, God has absolutely wrecked that and I love it. For the first time in my life now I'm crying for things that break God's heart every single day. And yes, right now I am trying to wait as patiently as possible for God's perfect timing but in this deep valley of my life God is revealing Himself to me in such a beautiful and amazing ways. 


God has shown me how FOOLISH it is for my worth to be found in the materialistic possessions of this earth, and that my identity and worth needs to be found in Him and Him alone. To be free from type of soulless living is something I never thought I would be able to overcome, but God's persistence is greater than my resistance, so God showed me that I have something better to live for than a designer bag. God has also shown me what being a Christian is to look like. I am called to go to the places of this world where His light is not shining and tell the people there about His unconditional love for them. Me going on the mission field is not "optional", it's what He called us to do in the Great Commission in Matthew. The real question is if God is calling you to be on the mission field short term or long term. Because until we see what a hurting world we live in and how much people need God, our idols to possessions and success are ALWAYS going to win out. But once you see the love on a child's face when you tell him about Jesus, it gets personal. And there is no escape from it. These children are no longer statistics, they are real humans with feelings who need God to get through this life. Knowing today that 26,000 children will die today from preventable diseases breaks my heart, because I could be there right now loving on those children and showing them the love of God. All Christians are called to missions, because we are the body of Christ, and it is our job to tell the world about God. 


To be wrecked by God is one of the most difficult and humbling experiences I've ever had. It is beautiful to see what God can do with a broken soul and I know that God will bring beauty from this pain. God has never failed anyone and He is not going to start with me. For anyone going through a hard time right now, clinging to God is the only suggestion I have. Immerse yourself in His daily love, guidance, comfort, and protection. He will make you CRAVE time with Him and restore you daily. GOD DOESN'T BACK DOWN. He will NOT give up on you, no matter how hopeless you feel. God can rescue you, just let Him. 


Okay, I'm going to step down from my soapbox now. Just please don't run away from God. Just crash into Him. He is strong enough to catch you. He will sustain you. You can't do it on your own. God can do it though. Turn to Him. Let Him show you His beautiful love and grace.  Let your life be worth more than a nice car and an empty soul. 


"You knew how You'd save me before I fell dead in the garden. And You knew this day long before You made me out of dirt. And You know the plans that You have for me, and You can't plan the end and not plan the means. And so I suppose I just need some peace, just to get me to sleep."