okay so i know i'm the worst blogger, especially since i only updated twice from London but here's what I have to say: if you wanna know how London was, text/call me and we will meet up for a chat and I will tell you all about London, but I am here on this earth to spread the love of God so that's what I'm going to do. Talks about the pretty sights of London can wait.
So basically God has really convicted me lately of how much I cannot see myself living in America for the rest of my life. I used to only want the comfortable life and for God to just be there for me every Sunday morning and Wednesday night and for Him to be there with my future children and show them His love, but for Him to stay as far away from "My Will" as possible. Well, God has absolutely wrecked that and I love it. For the first time in my life now I'm crying for things that break God's heart every single day. And yes, right now I am trying to wait as patiently as possible for God's perfect timing but in this deep valley of my life God is revealing Himself to me in such a beautiful and amazing ways.
God has shown me how FOOLISH it is for my worth to be found in the materialistic possessions of this earth, and that my identity and worth needs to be found in Him and Him alone. To be free from type of soulless living is something I never thought I would be able to overcome, but God's persistence is greater than my resistance, so God showed me that I have something better to live for than a designer bag. God has also shown me what being a Christian is to look like. I am called to go to the places of this world where His light is not shining and tell the people there about His unconditional love for them. Me going on the mission field is not "optional", it's what He called us to do in the Great Commission in Matthew. The real question is if God is calling you to be on the mission field short term or long term. Because until we see what a hurting world we live in and how much people need God, our idols to possessions and success are ALWAYS going to win out. But once you see the love on a child's face when you tell him about Jesus, it gets personal. And there is no escape from it. These children are no longer statistics, they are real humans with feelings who need God to get through this life. Knowing today that 26,000 children will die today from preventable diseases breaks my heart, because I could be there right now loving on those children and showing them the love of God. All Christians are called to missions, because we are the body of Christ, and it is our job to tell the world about God.
To be wrecked by God is one of the most difficult and humbling experiences I've ever had. It is beautiful to see what God can do with a broken soul and I know that God will bring beauty from this pain. God has never failed anyone and He is not going to start with me. For anyone going through a hard time right now, clinging to God is the only suggestion I have. Immerse yourself in His daily love, guidance, comfort, and protection. He will make you CRAVE time with Him and restore you daily. GOD DOESN'T BACK DOWN. He will NOT give up on you, no matter how hopeless you feel. God can rescue you, just let Him.
Okay, I'm going to step down from my soapbox now. Just please don't run away from God. Just crash into Him. He is strong enough to catch you. He will sustain you. You can't do it on your own. God can do it though. Turn to Him. Let Him show you His beautiful love and grace. Let your life be worth more than a nice car and an empty soul.
"You knew how You'd save me before I fell dead in the garden. And You knew this day long before You made me out of dirt. And You know the plans that You have for me, and You can't plan the end and not plan the means. And so I suppose I just need some peace, just to get me to sleep."
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